NLP is about how the relationship between your mind and body (Neuro), is affected by your language (Linguistic) and how you can programme or train your own brain (Programming) to be more effective and reach success more easily in a conscious way.
NLP is a science that uses a set of tools from Psychology, Neurology, Linguistics, Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication, Ericksonian Hypnosis and others.
The NLP tools and processes are based on research
conducted for more than 40 years in the area of human excellence and personal development.
NLP answers to lots of questions about ourselves and the way we experience life.
A few question you as many others might have:
Who am I?
What is the reality?
What I love about myself?
What do I say to myself?
Why am I sad, upset, angry, depressed, and anxious at times?
How do I relate with others?
How can I make my relationships better?
What can I change at myself in order to make my relationships better?
What are my qualities?
What are my values and beliefs?
What are my goals and dreams?
How can I achieve my goals and dreams?
I’m stuck. How can I put myself together and move on?
I don’t know who I am anymore. Why do I behave in this way?
I’m afraid of driving on motorways. Once I’ve lost a job interview because of this. How can I cure myself of this fear that affects my entire life?
What happens in a Coaching Session?
To gain the most benefit from our work, please consider these questions before your session:
In a Coaching Session we focus on YOU and YOUR specific situation.
We work together in this changing process.
We have a look at where you are now, how you communicate with yourself and others, and how you are dealing with difficult situations. We have a look at your relationships - with yourself and with others. We discuss about you and where you want to go & who you want to be.
We can work together on changing limiting beliefs and negative self-talk; dealing with life challenges; managing fears, anxiety and phobias; and clearing out all those things that are holding you back from reaching your dreams. Then, we might do together a structured and efficient goal planning to help you get there.
My support doesn't stop here. We can meet again to assess and discuss your progress and of course to celebrate your success! :)
NLP Coaching uses different practical exercises of visualization and self-expression. You may be asked to imagine things, and say things to yourself out-loud. Some techniques may contain trance and hypnosis.
While other therapies work extensively with past experiences, NLP Coaching focuses mainly on Present and Future - without wandering around between past challenges and possible traumas. We look slightly at your past just to access important information and use this in positive and constructive ways to create success in Your Life - Your Present and Your Future.
Every one of us is unique.
Even we have the same kind of strange neural material in our heads which is the brain, we are so different from one another.
That is why some people are able to get out from a situation easily and others might still be searching for a solution or a way to escape. If some of us are finding communication and building rapport easy and natural, others may be struggling to relate with other people and make themselves understood.
What makes us unique and why we are so different?
When we come into this world as babies, our brain is in a pure state, it is like a blank piece of paper that waits to be written on or a piece of a fresh cut wood that later on will be carved into an amazing piece of art. After one year we learn to walk and to articulate a few words.
Later on, when we are around three years old we start articulating full thoughts and express emotions. At around four, we are able to express ourselves but not able to fully understand the emotions and control them. As babies and young children we are dependent on our parents and the environment we live in.
When teenagers, the cognitive and affective systems are affected and challenged by the biological processes that take place in the adolescence period. This is a period of such significant changes and neural reorganization that it will dramatically affect who we seem to be. And I say “seem to be” because we don’t really know who we are, we move from a thing to another, from an extreme to another…That is why it is said that the teen period is a significant starting point in designing our personalities and our perceptions about the world and our place in it.
The science proves that our brains reach their full development at around twenty - five years old. Our personalities and identities should have been shaped by this age.
Do we stop here? Not at all. In adulthood our brains still continue to develop and reach higher levels of knowledge and experience.
The brain needs to adapt to whatever happens in our life and it is shaped by each event we experience through life. All the new received information creates significant changes in our brain as well. We process the information in our heads making our internal representations through all the senses we use to perceive information (visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, olfactory, gustatory and self-talk). The way we think is affected by how we perceive information. As a result, our own thinking patterns lead us to the way we feel, behave, act, react and so on.
The above illustration shows us why we think differently and why we have communication issues with other people or we have different opinions about something we are convinced as being the reality.
*Illustration based on The NLP Communication Model
Let me further explain this:
The communication process starts when we receive information and/ or witness an external event. The external event is placed outside of us and in NLP we name it “The Territory”.
What happens next is that our mind starts immediately processing the information through filtering it taking into consideration the following: language (words and gestures used by our interlocutors and the meaning they have for us); our memories; values; beliefs; the way we perceive time and space; and our thinking patterns. In this way we can alter the information (the reality about that event – which is “The Territory") through deletion, distortion, and generalization.
Following this, what happens in our head represents the “Personal Map” or our reality.
We make internal representations about the event by using our senses: through making pictures (visual); hearing (auditory); having feelings, emotions and tactile perceptions (kinaesthetic); smelling (olfactory); tasting (gustative) and self-talk (auditory – digital).
These internal representations represent the way we, as individuals, perceive the information and they will trigger our state – the way we feel. Now we act and behave upon our perception of the given information.
The easiest example I can give that relates with this is:
“I am in a cafe with my friends and apart from the usual coffee, we want to order some desserts. We have to choose one out of the three available dessert options. Some of my friends choose cheesecake; others go with ice-cream, one of my friends chooses chocolate cake as myself (I love chocolate :)). What I can assume is that my friend loves chocolate as I do and the others like what they ordered. I look at my chocolaty piece of cake; I can feel the sweet/ bitter smell. It reminds me of my mum’s chocolate cake she used to make for me. I sniff the slice of cake in front of me and it smells appetizing but something is not quite as my mum’s. She used to add rum flavoured essence in the syrup and it gave it a special aroma, that’s my childhood favoured sweet smell. And my mind starts floating away in those beautiful moments. I finish eating the cake and my friend asks how it was. Even I told myself that the cake wasn’t like the one from my childhood, I respond straight away happy and satisfied “The best cake I ate in years, like my mum’s!” My friend looks at me and replies, “Yeah, it was good but the sponge was a bit dry and I couldn’t feel the rum essence at all. Probably I wouldn’t order it next time.”
We can notice from this simple example that everyone prefers different things, makes different choices and even two people who like chocolate had different opinions about the same chocolate cake they ate.
In NLP we say that everyone has his or her unique map of the world and the map is not the territory.
If you think of how many communication situations you face daily and how some create misunderstandings, unreal expectations and frustration, now you may understand what the process is and what happens in your mind. Not knowing how to communicate in an appropriate manner with different people, can lead to poor personal and business relationships.
Learning about ourselves first and then how we relate with others can make the difference that can change our life for the better.
You are the sculptor of your mind and your mind is the sculptor of your life.
Therefore, the mind needs to be nurtured for, maintained in a healthy state, continuously trained, and well fed with good stuff in order to help us use its full potential. It’s a win-win situation. We take care of our mind and in return we can access all the resources well-kept in the mind’s store room especially for us.
As you can see the brain changes and so we are. Even we don’t realize, we are continuing to change, day by day, month by month, year by year.
A little exercise for you:
Try to relax and bring into your memory now the person you were twenty years ago and yourself from ten years ago or even three years ago.
Take a deep breath and isolate each of “you” in your mind. Pay attention at how each looks like, how they think, and what they are doing. Do this for each of the others you.
Now imagine you are in the same room with the other two “you” at different ages and you discuss with each other. Apart from the physical appearances, you notice all the changes that occurred during different stages in your life.
Is this present YOU the one from twenty years ago? Is this present YOU the one you were three – ten years ago? You may be tempted to say yes. That’s OK.
Now, pay attention at the way they speak about themselves, the way they feel, the way they think and notice that something is not quite there. The other you from twenty years ago asks you what you’ve done in the last twenty years and you start enumerating lots of things like…finishing studies, having a job or a business, meeting the love of your life and getting married, having children, etc. They might be surprised about these things saying: “Wow! I haven’t imagined that I’ll have big children at 40!” “I wouldn’t have imagined I could leave all behind and move overseas” “I always thought that I’ll be an IT specialist all my life, not a doctor.” (I know someone who left his successful career in IT for following his dream of being a doctor).
***Here you can personalize the discussion with the “others you” as you wish using your own personal experiences.
This exercise makes you realize that your circumstances have changed and you had to adapt to all the changes in your life. In this way you’ve learned new things and gained new skills. By adapting to different stages in life, you started to think and behave in different ways. Lots of things change: the priorities change; our needs, dreams and goals change; our values and beliefs change as well.
As you may notice You are a different person now. The only thing that reminds you of yourself it represents your memories that may change as well due to many factors.
Everything changes and we need to adapt to all the changes as they come and be able and ready to overcome what life throws at us.
We are change anytime, anywhere, everywhere and we need to easily absorb change in order to keep ourselves sane, healthy and happy.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”– Charles Darwin
References: “THE BRAIN – The Story of You” - David Eagleman, 2015
Neuro Linguistic Programming Coaching can be used nowadays in any area of our life.
NLP has applications in personal life, social, business and everywhere are required change, development and growth.
We might need a coaching session to resolve an issue that bothers us, to make a decision, to improve communication and relationships (personal and work as well).
NLP can help and assist people in many other ways and areas:
✔ Personal Development & Growth
✔ Self Discovery and Knowledge
✔ Changing Limiting Beliefs
✔ Setting Personal Goals
✔ Managing Fears, Phobias & Traumas - More about Phobias here
✔ Relaxation & Focus
✔ Pregnancy & Birth
✔ Business Strategies & Goals
✔ Human Resources & Recruitment
✔ Training and Teaching
✔ Sales & Marketing
Check out this video discussion about NLP and its benefits.